Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Other Man In My Life

I'm finally broadcasting my secret for all the internet to see. There is another man in my life. Our relationship is not romantic in nature, but I feel I can no longer hide what it has become.

Him: The older used book-store owner, a kind man with somewhat frightening teeth, but a vast knowledge of books.
Me: The wide-eyed literary ingenue (ok, maybe I'm pushing that one a little) with a big heart who wants to support local business owners.

We meet: I spend hours pouring over his shelves and refuse to even look at the chain stores that once held my attention. I provide him with a steady stream of used book trades and brag to all my friends about my new relationship. He gives me discounts and calls me when he finds something I've been looking for.

But I can no longer hide the offspring of our relationship from my husband. Here it is, in color, my dirty little secret (embarassingly enough, these are only the unread books - there is another room filled with books I've read):



My main problem, obviously, is that I'm out of space for all these poor illegitimate children from questionable backgrounds (who knows who their previous owners were) need a permanend place in my home. So here's the deal: post a comment telling my husband why he ought to buy me new bookcases. The poster whose comment my husband finds most persuasive wins 3 of these books (they are all used, but in excellent condition) tailored to your literary preferences! Post away!

14 comments:

  1. Dear Husband,

    You need to buy Julie more bookcases because, if you don't she may one day run out of room completely and be forced to move on to purchasing something else, such as shoes. The problem here is that shoes are more expensive and they take up much more room. Wouldn't you rather pay for new bookcases now then the emergency room visit and rehabilitation that could come from tripping over one of her giant new shoes and breaking every bone in your leg because she could fit no more books on her shelves and was forced to spend her money elsewhere? Do yourself (and your legs) a favor and go to the store now. Your legs are a terrible thing to waste, especially when they could be so easily saved. Go. Now. And buy them.

    The End.

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  2. luke, rather than buy Julie new bookcases, you should install floor-to-ceiling shelves (or bookcases that can be removed if you will be moving anytime soon) on an entire wall for her. She loves books, so the more she can keep, the happier she will be. You want her to be happy right? Plus, the more she reads, the smarter she is, and you know you love her intelligence! Also, reading helps keep the mind sharp and wards off Alzheimer's and dimensia. If you want her to continue to be a deep but witty conversationalist into old age, you will grant her the requested bookcases. Really, you should do it because you love her and she deserves it. Duh.

    If you do not give her bookcases, she may stop buying inexpensive used books from the local book store and develop a much more expensive shopping habit, buying expensive things from local boutiques... So really, bookcases would be an investment and save you money in the end. That, and her books will be everywhere.

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  3. Dear Julie's Husband,
    You don't know me, but my husband and you are very similar right now. I don't know about you, though but my husband tends to be very obsessed with organization and not looking cluttered. Are you like that? If so, you will understand that books need proper storage in order to not look like tons of clutter.

    Another wonderful thing about books is that you look intelligent when your home is full of them. And rarely does anyone question that intelligence. You also feel wonderful and successful with each book you complete.

    It's not that you'd be viewed as giving in, you see, it's that you are encouraging the woman you love to continue being the woman you love and to be happy...

    And on another note, as my husband has noticed, when we have enough to read, we spend less money (because we're not at the mall), you can do nearly anything you want (like games?) and we're not annoyed with you for it!

    So buy or build Julie some bookshelves. It's for you too!

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  4. Dear Julie's husband,
    You should buy or build Julie a new bookcase because the illicit offspring might start moving their way into your space. They may appear stacked up near your tv or your desk. They may start wanting to eat breakfast with you at the table. They may start demanding attention before you turn in for the night. It's in your best interest to take care of them before they become a bigger problem!

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  5. Dear Husband,
    Bottom line? Reading is sexy. I am sure you fell in love with your beautiful wife for reasons other than the way she becomes involved with the characters in a new novel, how she lets out a little whimper when the hero in the book says something that a girl can only dream to hear, how she spends hours in this bookstore searching the worn shelves for just one more book that she might already have. Whether she twists her hair around her finger, or bounces her foot or just sits still for hours while reading, she is beautiful and smart and you love her.
    Buy her more bookshelves. For her benefit and yours.

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  6. Julie's Hubby,

    Buy her new bookshelves, because (a) she WANTS them and (b) because it'll make her SO happy!! And won't it be great to start out 2010 will all the books in a place where they belong and not just cluttering up your home!

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  7. To Book Hooked's Husband, I'm willing to bet that you love your wife SOOOO much that you are willing to sigh a little and buy her a wonderful new bookcase for all her fabulous book finds. She will love you so much for it and appreciate it more than you know. What a wonderful way to start the new year! I would swoon with joy if my husband bought me a new bookcase!!!

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  8. Dear Julie's hubby, I get the feeling that Julie loves you very much, but she also loves books. Apparently cats are also on the list for her affection. You might not know this, but there is a natural instinct within women to collect things. You wouldn't want her to bring home another husband or dozens more cats, so just be thankful that she has a harmless obsession with books. Humor her, bring home a wonderful bookcase to keep her happy, and she will be eternally grateful.

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  9. Dear Julie's Husband,
    You should buy and install new bookshelves for Julie, because through her extensive reading you look smarter by association. If you are anything like my husband, you will do anything to appear smarter!
    Love, mrs.messi
    PS (And I hope this doesn't cross the line...)I bet you will get some the night the book cases are put up!

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  10. Julie's Husband:

    Simple. If you buy and install new bookshelves for Julie, you'll have more room for your ninja stuff. How can you possibly hone your ninja skillz if you're crowded out wall to wall with books that don't have a home?

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  11. Dear Julie's Husband,

    Let's make a deal, if you buy Julie a bookshelf, she will let you keep your sword over the TV. Sometimes.

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  12. Dear Julie's Husband,

    Let's make a deal, if you buy Julie a bookshelf, she will let you keep your sword over the TV. Sometimes.

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  13. Dear Julie's Husband.

    Buying new bookshelves + installing said bookshelves = the good lovin' (from Julie of course)

    Nuff' said.

    -A

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  14. So Julie...what's the word on the bookshelf? Is he going to go for it???

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